He's got the whole World in His hands
When I was 26 weeks pregnant, I woke up in the middle of the night with bleeding. My initial thought was that I was miscarrying. In a panic, my husband and I dressed and dropped our 2.5-year-old off at his parents’ house. It was 1:30 in the morning and we still had a 20-minute drive to the hospital. I was completely hysterical in the car with my mind racing and my body shaking. I told my husband, "I need to turn on some Jesus music". I've listened to The JOY FM for years, but never at this hour. I wasn't even sure there would be programing. But immediately “Be Alright” by Danny Gokey started playing. Even as I sobbed and sang, I felt a peace come over me.
I sang that song repeatedly during our 2-day hospital stay. Doctors discussed options all the way from a possible early delivery with all its implications to being on bedrest until I reached my due date 3 months later. During this time, that song became an anthem for me when I didn’t know what to say to God through my anger and fear, when I was consumed by my what if’s, and when I couldn’t see past my current circumstances. I ended up being on bedrest for 10 weeks, unsure if I would survive delivery. My delivery was complicated and scary, but looking back I can see God’s provision over every aspect of my pregnancy and the delivery of our daughter. God has taught me that He is with me in every moment regardless of my feelings or actions. He’s by my side when I’m angry, when I’m hurting, and when I am confused. There is a purpose in all things and He does have the whole world (including my life) in His hands.
Isabella is a 1-year-old now and an absolute joy. She is full of energy, spunk, and endless smiles. I’m in awe when I look at her and realize that I get to spend my life being her mom because there were some times I was unsure if I would be alive to rear her. I refuse to forget God’s faithfulness that has allowed us to have so many beautiful moments together. I will always remind our girls that God has the whole world in His hands.
Photos for Jessica
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